Another Passes on While I Question Why I’m Still Here ..

Yes Heath Ledger was in other films than Brokeback Mountain

Heath’s resume goes all the way back to 1992

I still wonder if his role as the Joker in the next Batman film wouldn’t have opened the floodgates

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Despite my own problems trying to make it day to day I left work hearing the news that Heath Ledger was found dead in his apartment. I couldn’t process it at the time but just now I thought about other actors such as River Phoenix and even Chris Farley that had died before their time due to drugs. In fact any one of us could go through a list of actors of which this has happened to, but Heath Ledger was unprejudiced, so young, and was just getting into his own groove the death leaves so much to be desired.

In fact news of his death is a bittersweet, almost welcome reprieve from the media’s obsession with Britney Spears. She hasn’t done anything in quite some time, but you hear about her erratic behavior and theories about purported multiple-personality disorder and manic depression almost hourly. She welcomed in my setting up of a high definition television, watching “news” about her in crystal clear 1080p reception; she’s paid her dues, yet we want her to fail even worse than we want her to get well, so it’s no surprise that she is sick. We laugh at her yet feel sorry for her at the same time.

So when Heath Ledger, of whom I first got a taste of his talent watching “Brokeback Mountain”, delivered a compelling performance in a controversial film that audiences will forever be divided on, was unable to escape from the burden of having to carry the politics of that role, (being known for playing the role, though much of that would have changed with his future films) dies suddenly, as we weren’t focused on his career, you have to wonder if those in the spotlight won’t live forever while those that carry on quietly, going on with life outside of the paparazzi aren’t the ones that are really suffering. As if it takes a reliable sense of humor and media obsession to remain active in this business.

Ironically, Ledger was going to appear in the next Batman film, a franchise that could have catapulted him into megastardom. Ledger was a hard working actor who had a comprehensive resume with such films as “Monster’s Ball”, “The Patriot”, “10 Things I Hate About You” and “Lords of Dogtown”, having appeared in a variety of films and setting himself up with a bright future. Of course we don’t know if suicide is the true cause of Heath’s death, then again we are talking about sleeping pills, so in any event, there was something plaguing him that most of us do not know about.

Yet many of us would demolish for the lifestyle; a promising career in an actor that was paying enough, an apartment in the SoHo neighborhood of Modern York that some of us feel typifies a representation of life as an artist in the city, and money without having the cameras in your face relentlessly. When someone actually stays out of the limelight and is committed to building their career, it is not only acceptable, by our self-righteous standards we hold celebrities to, but commendable; too few actors these days are actually known and appreciated for their dedication to the craft.

So we are yet again faced with the cautionary tales of what Hollywood can do to you, while the rest of us talk about it and others are making a living reporting on the minute details of every single fade every A-list actor makes. Heath wasn’t an Anna Nicole, a Britney, Jim Carey or Owen Wilson. He wasn’t the face of depression, mental issues or anything else that is negative with the entertainment industry. He was unbiased an actor, a fresh face at one time, and someone with a promising future of getting what they had been working over 15 years for. It may take some of us about as long to get to where he going; hopefully we are where we need to be once we get there…

Why Not to Use Anxiety Medication

Medication’s effects are impermanent.

Prevention and skill-acquisition is permanent and more beneficial.

Medication should only be broken-down as a last resort.

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Anxiety medication, and any medication in general, is something to be taken only with caution (as noted in Medication – Don’t Believe the Hype!), and in many cases, doctors will unnecessarily prescribe medications that are not needed (need and want are two terms that people have a difficult time distinguishing between) (Stelter, 2009).

The patient’s goal in seeking medication is to reduce the afflict that is being experienced. Many patients often mistake panic medication to be a cure for a certain condition; however, this is not the case. What medication really does would be more properly termed to be symptom suppression. By this term, it is meant that rather than actually curing the condition and removing it from the patient, the patient’s anxious symptoms (swirling head, upset stomach, sweaty palms, shaking arms etc…) are reduced to a much more manageable level. The anxious thinking, the core of the problem, is serene there. A person will not wake up the next day, being on the unusual medication, and suddenly turn into a relaxed and confident socialite who can handle anything. A more realistic picture will be that that person is still anxious in all the same situations as before, but to a lesser degree.

What doctors do not tell the patient is how to put this artificial relaxation to use in terms of treating anxiety. Doctors, as a whole, emphasize only half of the human being, the physical part, and the other half, the mind, is incredibly powerful and can have great physical effects. (If one finds a really good doctor that emphasizes both body and mind, one should hold onto this doctor at all costs). What one should really be doing, now that he or she feels more relaxed, is confronting anxiety provoking situations and gaining skill in relation to managing anxiety. That way, when one decides to cease medication, one’s relaxation level will remain as a natural part of one’s personality because he or she has identified healthier thought patterns that reduce anxious symptomology.

Another caveat to medication is that many times patients will habituate to the medication. To habituate means that the person’s body becomes well acclimated to the medication, and the medication no longer provides its beneficial effects. So, while medication may be helpful, its effects are not necessarily permanent.

A very essential point to remember about seeing doctors is that medicine, as a science, takes a reactionary approach to treating diseases and conditions. Rather than treating the root cause of the problem, in this case anxiety, medicine treats its symptoms, which as shown before, does not necessarily completely change one’s life for the better. Choosing to treat the symptoms and not the cause of the problem means that patients will have to remain on expensive medications for longer periods of time and engage in even further methods for reducing symptoms (seeking a different medication, or an additional one to suppress negative symptoms provided by the first medication). This creates an elaborate web of methods that are expensive, and most importantly, only temporary. Prevention is a far more effective long term design of treating anxiety, and it is one that most doctors ignore (the gracious ones don’t ignore prevention). The reason that prevention is not discussed more in medicine, or other areas of mental health, is that prevention is very difficult to measure scientifically, and therefore it is hard to demonstrate with raw numbers that prevention actually works. However, based on the elaborate webs of symptoms and reactionary treatment that are created by today’s medicine, it seems that prevention would be a very useful strategy to employ.

How can one employ prevention in terms of treating anxiety? The answer is by treating the root problem. The more one learns to successfully process anxiety (a fine method to medicine of treating anxiety by burning it off and getting it out of one’s brain and body; this is discussed more detail in Successful Processing of Anxiety), and the more that one learns to prevent anxiety by engaging in appropriate methods (discussed in further detail in The Horror Bible), the better off one is in the short and long term. When one learns to change his or her thinking and perception of life and its events, this leads to a permanent change in behavior, something that medicine alone cannot accomplish (Stelter, 2009).

The final negative aspect to consider about medication is that even though the medication might be favorite for sale by the Food and Drug Administration, this does not mean that all the effects of the drug are known, and many times drug companies will pay off officials to look over the possible negative effects of medication. In many cases, although no anxiety medications come to mind, science will find that for a few years, a certain drug is safe; then after a long term study of the drug is conducted, it is found that those who take it receive no suitable effects for anxiety, or that perhaps they experience significant side effects (like increased risk of cancer or heart disease) many years down the road.

While this article has spent much of its time exposing all the shortfalls and drawbacks of medication, it is distinguished to remember that medication can have very beneficial effects. Many of the severely anxious are so anxious that performing the smallest task, like going to a restaurant to eat, is a very stressful task. For those who are severely anxious like this and who cannot perform basic life functions (like working for example), medication is a necessary solution because it enables them to do the things they need to do in order to survive.

In the demolish, the best way to belief medication is to look at it as a place of last resort. The motto of less is more is a good framework for thinking about medication. Medication, it seems, has a short term effect that is not curative. However, it can be very beneficial in a handful of situations, so it may be a viable option for some, but the best long term solution that leads to permanent happiness and relaxation is a preventative and multidisciplinary reach. There is no objective set of criteria that can be used whether or not to determine if one needs medication. However, the guidelines in this article have hopefully helped to clarify this decision making process.

References

Stelter, D.J. (2009). The Terror Bible. Anxiety Support Network Article Series.
Retrieved March 21, 2009 from
http://www.anxietysupportnetwork.com/articles/anxiety_bible.html

Stelter, D.J. (2009). Successful Processing of Panic. Anxiety Relieve Network Article Series.
Retrieved March 21, 2009 from
http://www.anxietysupportnetwork.com/articles/processing_anxiety.html

Stelter, D.J. (2008). Medication – Don’t Believe the Hype! Anxiety Support Network Article Series.
Retrieved March 21, 2009 from
http://www.anxietysupportnetwork.com/articles/medication_don’t_believe_hype.html

Color Me Exhausted but Determined

Colorquiz is a five minute personality test.

The test has been extinct worldwide by government, industry and business.

The test can show short term and long term meaning. Feelings at time of test can determine results.

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Color Me Exhausted

Taking the quiz at colorquiz.com is always interesting. Sometimes it’s scary and depressingly true.

The color quiz is a free five minute personality test. The test is weak worldwide by government, industry and businesses. Unlike many other such sites, colorquiz.com does not request any personal information at all. Select the righteous gender and the test begins.

Taking the test is a simple matter of looking at 8 color tiles and choosing which color makes you feel the best. Continue choosing until all tiles disappear.

Part two begins after a short pause. Again, the test is the same. Color tiles appear and best choice selected until none remain.

Then it’s time for results. I know people who have taken this test and literally gotten page after page of results back. Each result fraction bears a label, with an reply or explanation inside the box.

Here’s what happens when I take the test today.

Your Existing Situation: The fear of rebuff and extreme caution…

The fact that I have an afternoon appointment that could result in a horrific confrontation could have something to do with this result.

Your Stress Sources: The existing station is disagreeable.

Amen.

Your Restrained Characteristics: The space is preventing her (me) from establishing herself…feels trapped in a distressing position and seeking some device of gaining relief.

Bullseye.

Your Desired Objective: Urgently in need of rest, relaxation, peace and affectionate understanding.

I’m inclined to believe this will happen when pigs fly.

Your Actual Problem: Disappointment & non-fulfillment of hopes and the fear that to formulate fresh goals will only lead to further setbacks have resulted in considerable anxiety.

I am very disappointed in a couple of people I really thought I could trust. The part about further setbacks is what gets me. Two hours ago, I finally figured out what was keeping me from taking the last step in achieving a very famous goal – the fact that achieving that goal could cost me everything I was raised to believe in. Family. Happy Ever After. If I don’t have the support of my family in this goal, I’ll be forced to choose between what I consider the accurate me – the writer, and the robot that keeps everyone else happy. More useful commodity than person.

Actual Problem #2: Depleted vitality has created an intolerance for any further stimulation or demands on her resources. The feeling of powerlessness subjects her to agitation and acute distress. Tries to escape by relinquishing the struggle and by finding peaceful and restful conditions in which to recuperate in an atmosphere of affection and security.

Hmm. Perhaps three years of taking care of others, including a head trauma survivor who was never expected to survive, the emergency delivery of a grandchild in distress, burying one friend and housing another that I truly understanding might die before getting well enough to move out and the succor breaking labor of an intensive mobile home remodel for a family of five living in dwelling for a family of one could have something to do with total exhaustion.

Colorquiz didn’t tell me anything I didn’t already know. It did succinctly sum it all up. I don’t feel agitated but I have resorted to sleeping with my meditation CD playing continuously.

I’ve taken colorquiz at various times of my life. The last time was probably a couple of weeks before everything went to heck in a handbasket. Last time I laughed at the results and cheerily printed them out.

This time, I’m using the results to benefit me formulate what happens next in my life. My nest is empty and barring all unforeseen accidents, should remain empty. My biggest concern is my staunch problem #1.

I’m relieved to see it in black and white and was very relieved when I realized what was holding me back as the D-day clock counted down. Now I know.

I wasn’t raised a martyr and I’m too old to pick up the habit now. I’ll grab my dream and shape it. I’ll revel in it. I’ll celebrate it. The only demand that remains to be answered is how many area settings there will be at the banquet table…

Seasonal Depression

SAD is much more common in Northern latitudes then in Southern

As the days get shorter SAD becomes more prevalent

Artificial sunlight therapy can combat depression caused by the lack of adequate hours of sunlight

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Seasonal depression is called by other names such as “winter blues”, seasonal affective disorder (SAD), holiday blues,….etc. It can be contributed to by a number of things. In many regions as the days get shorter, SAD is much more common in Northern latitudes (where the days get much shorter and earlier) then Southern latitudes. Estimates go as far as predicting that less than 1% of the populations in Florida are affected, while in Alaska it can be as much as 10%, and that is in the region alone. Those estimates are talking about just the seasonal affective disorder caused by decreased sunlight. There is also a seasonal depression called the holiday blues because of the increased stress, tension, and expectations, that come hand in hand with the “family” holidays that happen in the winter. There is probably nothing more family orientated than Christmas, followed only perhaps by Thanksgiving. If you have any “problems” in dealing with your family, no family, or a poorly-functioning family unit (be it immediate or extended), there is no other time like the holidays for these simmering pots of pent up anger, jealousy, sibling rivalry, or resentments to boil over. Whatever the cause going through seasonal depression is no laughing matter. Symptoms may include weight get, depression or miserable mood, lack of energy, fatigue, sleep changes (sleeping more or not able to sleep), increased/decreased appetite which may include cravings, reduced work productivity, irritability, and changes in sex drive.

I’ve told you the bad news about seasonal depression. Now, you’re probably asking yourself, why am I telling you this if there is nothing you can do about it? No one can change the length of the days or cancel the holidays. That’s correct, but there are ways of helping yourself through the seasonal depression, while feeling good about the holidays and yourself.

First, we’ll talk objective about the seasonal depression caused by the shortened length of sunlight. Be sure and hold those curtains start to allow as much natural sunlight into your house as possible. Get out and take walks on warmer days. Look into light therapy. You can buy lamps that stimulate natural sunlight that “tricks” your brain into thinking your days are actually longer than they “really” are. You can collect them researching keywords such as light box, dawn simulator, Dim, SAD lights, sunlight simulator, port-a-sun…etc. You can go on short-term anti-depressant therapy over the winter months to correct the chemical imbalance. Keep to a obedient routine to keep your body in the best physical health possible with good nutrition and exercise, and mental health with therapy, laughter, humor, stress busters,…etc.

For the holiday blues you do all the above but add to it. Make a budget and keep to it. Do you holiday shopping early and try to avoid last minute shopping completely. Avoid the early “rush” sales, stores, and malls when you know they are going to be over run with people on the worst behavior and even worse sales clerks. Leave nothing to the last minute if you can avoid it. Plan meals in which most of the meal can be prepared the day, or days before. Pamper yourself. You don’t have to invite Uncle Mel who gets drunk and makes a complete fool of himself every holiday which makes you miserable. It’s your house…your rules. I always hated going to family dinners because I was always miserable and upset by the time we left. My husband and I solved that problem as soon as we had kids by telling my family that we wanted to have holiday dinners at home with our kids to make our own traditions. We still got guilted into going for a “family dinner” from time to time but on the most part we made comfortable and wonderful traditional dinners of our gain that are slow-paced and eagerly looked forward too by all of us. Instead of getting up extremely early to get that “bird” ready and into the oven and crabby and everyone fighting by the time they sat down to eat. We make all preparations the night before (as much as possible anyway), get up when we wake up, and eat the bird when it’s done. We have cheese and crackers, cookies, and appetizers to snack on all day until the bird is done sometime in the later afternoon. It may sound unfamiliar but some of our best holiday memories have been the activities of the night before or what activities we engaged in waiting for the bird to be done. If you don’t have kids and both set of parents expect you for dinner don’t fall into the, “dinner your parents, supper mine”, trap. You can idea to spend alternate holidays Thanksgiving at one and Christmas at the others. Plan on separate thanksgiving weekends and then Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, and if your parent’s still aren’t satisfied then you need to set some boundaries NOW. You will thank me later when you do have children or if you or your parents move out of state.

If you don’t have family of your own, invite some friends over. Volunteer your time at a shelter, and/or shop for underprivileged children whether it is some you know or even those in other countries. I’ve always felt that the holidays were meant to be shared. There is no reason for anyone to be left out of the holiday seasons. Visit the elderly in nursing homes who family live far away or no longer have family. Read to children in libraries or teach the neighbor kids a craft project to execute a gift for their parents. You don’t have to have money, just a wish to share. If you know of a elderly neighbor that will be left alone on the holiday invite him/her to dinner or at least fix them a plate of food to bask in.

If the holidays are a bad time emotionally for you then procure a therapist before the holidays to help you through them, start a journal, start a support group. Basically I am telling you this. A lot of people are affected by the winter blahs, holiday blues, SAD, but it is up to you whether you “suffer” from it or do something about it.

Diagnosing Depression – the First Step on the Journey to Recovery

Depression is a life limiting condition which can be treated

Clinical scales such as the K10, Geriatric Depression Scale or Beck Depression Inventory may be used

You can net your life after a diagnosis of depression

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Depression can be difficult to diagnose as the depressed person may not wish to admit that they have a problem that needs help. It is estimated that well under half the people who are currently experiencing an episode of depression will seek assistance from medical practitioners.

If you suspect that you may be experiencing an episode of depression, you can complete online check lists which assess your level of psychological distress and calculates whether it is likely you have depression. Such checklists and scales can be found on websites such as www.beyondblue.org.au.

When you make an appointment with your doctor, they will ask questions about your current behaviours, such as have you lost enjoyment or stopped doing activities you previously found delectable, have you stopped going out, are you experiencing fatigue or changes to your sleeping patterns, have your eating patterns changed. A doctor may also send you for a battery of blood tests to ensure that there is not an underlying medical condition that may be causing your depression symptoms, such as an under-active thyroid gland.

Finally medical practitioners may use the assistance of depression scales to determine if you are experiencing an episode of depression and whether it is calm, moderate or severe. Depression scales are normally multiple choice questionnaire based requesting that you answer on a series of Likert scale responses (for example this affected me a lot of the time to a little of the time). Some of the more common depression scales include:

Kessler Psychological Distress Scale (K10)

The Kessler Psychological Hurt Scale is a self-report symptom checker. The K10 asks questions relating to your feelings of self worth, anxiety, depression and fatigue over the last month. A low score (under 20) suggests that a person is likely to be in superior mental health and a high earn (30 or over) is an indication of a severe mental disorder. Since it is a self-report scale the K10 is open to under or over exaggeration of symptoms by patients.

Beck Depression Inventory (BDI)

The Beck Depression Inventory was created by Dr Aaron Beck, a psychologist in 1961 and is possibly the most widely used depression severity questionnaire. It asks the respondent to answer questions about depression symptoms in a multiple choice format including questions relating to attitudes (the cognitive aspect of depression symptoms) and physical symptoms. Amongst other items, the Beck Depression Inventory covers items including the patient’s mood, feelings of failure, pessimisim, self-hate, negative self talk, if your symptoms are affecting your work or other social withdrawal. As a self-report scale, the Beck Depression Inventory can be subject to incorrect ratings with the patient either over or under exaggerating their symptoms.

Hamilton Rating Scale for Depression (HRSD or HAM-D)

The Hamilton Rating Scale for Depression is a clinician led scale based on interviews and observations. It is used where a diagnosis of depression has already been made, in order to assess the severity of the depression episode. It is a 21 question multiple choice scale and includes the areas of depressed mood, suicide ideation, guilt, agitation, fear, insomnia, work and interests and weight loss. The clinician rates the patient’s symptoms on a grade scale from absent to severe (for symptoms like depressed mood) and from absent to clearly present (for weight loss symptoms). The success of the Hamilton Rating Scale for Depression in assessing the severity of a patient’s depression comes from the skill of the clinician undertaking the interview and observation process.

Geriatric Depression Scale (GAD)

The Geriatric Depression Scale is a simplified self-report questionnaire in either long perform (30 questions) or short acquire (15 questions) for use with the elderly population. It asks the patient to respond yes or no to a series of questions in relation to their feelings in the last week. The short form of the Geriatric Depression Scale can be outmoded with physically ill or mild to moderate dementia patients as it is simple and quick to administer. This scale covers questions including life satisfaction, interests, feelings of helplessness, worthlessness and alarm and the current energy levels of the patient. The Geriatric Depression Scale does not rate the severity of the depression, it is used to indicate whether a patient may be experiencing depression and may require further assessment and treatment. It is similar to the Kessler Psychological Distress Scale mentioned above.

Depression is a serious medical condition for which treatment is available. If you or someone you know experiences any of the following symptoms for more than 2 weeks:

* dismal mood;

* loss of interest in most of your normal activities;

* weight loss or gain;

* sleep problems;

* lack of energy and tiredness;

* feelings of worthlessness or guilt;

* problems with concentration or decision making;

* thoughts of death

please seek treatment from a medical practitioner. Help is out there and the use of depression scales enables medical practitioners to assist you to gain the best treatment for your condition and win your life!

Sometimes I deem I have a sign around my neck that says, “Come See Me.”

It didn’t used to be that device.

They’re known as “relate wreck/tragic friends,” those who are addicted to chaos, crisis junkies, drama mamas.

I myself used to be one. But I still attract them.

How I stopped being one was I got sick and tired of all the drama, sick of tired of being sick and tired. But it wasn’t an overnight thing, for sure.

Some things can’t be avoided when it comes to things happening to you. Others are self-induced.

Some people have to stir the pot, or feel they have to to feel alive, to feel something. It’s like they’re not comfortable when things are okay. I know because I used to be like that.

Now, though I have no tolerance when it comes to these drama queens or kings.

Here are some pointers I have gotten from therapists and friends when it comes to dealing with train wreck friends:

You didn’t cause it, you can’t control it, and you can’t cure it. (Source: Alanon). I have this saying taped on my computer for when I used to talk to my friend Janie, a 50-something who acts more like a teenager. She lives in a house with no water or gas yet buys expensive things for herself. She doesn’t take her bipolar meds, sabotages herself at work and in friendships, and generally has a sense of entitlement in the world. This saying means you didn’t cause the problem, you can’t control the problem, and you can’t cure it. It means I didn’t cause her to be this blueprint, I can’t control her, and I can’t cure her. She has to find her beget way without my enabling help, something that was hard for me to stop doing for five years. I finally stopped this past spring I am contented to say.

Start going to Alanon meetings. This will help you deal with your train wreck friend. You can find online or in person meetings at alanon.org.

Talk about the issue with your therapist or close friend.

Don’t do for these train wrecks what they can do for themselves. (Source: Arlington Family Counseling Center). A former therapist told me this once when I was dealing with my former best friend Linda in Florida. Every time she would get drunk I would clean up her mess, literally and figuratively. She had two cats so I would make sure they were fed. I would clean her house, do her laundry, get her jobs, give her food, clothes; etc. The therapist told me I could feed her cats since it’s not their fault she’s an alcoholic and they shouldn’t have to suffer. But that I shouldn’t do anything else. So, after five years I was able to smash that cycle.

And, what do you know? I heard she finally got and stayed sober for good.

There is a saying that we can’t rob people of their journey or experiences, those often gut-wrenching times when they are forced to change because they bustle out of people to mooch off of. People have their limits. I used to not understand this. But, having been on the other side of it, God knows I do now!

If you don’t have the nerve to tell your friend in person about how you can no longer enable them, write them a letter. This has worked for me.

The hard part is sticking to your guns. We all have worn moments but we unprejudiced commence over when we streak up. After all, we’re only human and we’re going to have compassion and feelings about doing things differently.

Sometimes you have to go so far as to steal yourself from the situation whether it be moving or changing jobs. Sometimes you have to frequent different places than the ones they hang out.

You can still let them know you care, just that you can no longer retain bailing them out of their self-imposed crisis. Eventually, they will or will not obtain their way. The relief is that it is not up to you and you do not have to carry them. There is a saying in a recovery group. We carry the message not the alcoholic. That means we carry words of wisdom but we don’t feed, clothe, and basically occupy them of their dignity. When we seize someone of the latter that means we do for them what they could do for themselves.

I’m not a cold person. In fact, every request I’ve ever taken related to this matter comes out the same. That I’m a a sidekick, butt-kissing doormat, selfless altruistic sister who helps people to death. Nine times out of ten they keep taking advantage of me and are not appreciative.

People may say they appreciate it with their words but their actions speak otherwise.

Pay attention to their actions. They speak volumes, more so than words of “Thank you” ever can.

When you say no, mean it and stick to it.

There’s an article in the October Cosmopolitan titled “How to Handle a Train Wreck Friend” and it couldn’t have come at a better time.

Because I have a new train wreck in my life. She’s a single parent who I have tried to help as have many other people but she won’t accept any help. She wants to do things her way, even at the detriment of herself and her toddler son.

What can I do? All I can do is give her the resources, names, and numbers, and the rest is up to her.

We can get just as crazy as the person we’re trying to help by doing too much for them and caring about the outcome more than they do. So, be good to yourself. Take a bubble bath, budge the dog, go do something fun, clean your house, read a book, rent a movie. Anything to take your mind off of the “wreck.”

When tempted to give in to the person, call someone and talk it out. Write about it. Sometimes giving up the enabling is like giving up an addiction. But we can do it a day at a time.

When it comes to train wreck friends, if that person believes deep down that she doesn’t deserve to be happy she will subconsciously or consciously sabotage her success. (Source: Cosmopolitan).

The article in Cosmo suggests that if the conversation is always the same (i.e., the breakup, alcohol or drug abuse, work problems; etc.), change the subject. The story echoes my sentiments – that there is only so much you can do for an out-of-control friend. It also suggests that you give her the name of a therapist or support group. Then the rest is up to her.

Eventually, if the person doesn’t come around, you might have to end the friendship, the article states. I had to do this with my friends Janie and Linda. But us women have a harder time cutting the ties than we do hanging in there with someone who’s sucking the life out of us, the article reveals. I can attest to that.

“Of course, you might be tempted to pull a disappearing act,” the article states.

Boy, I can report to that one.

I’ve tried the old avoidance thing and that doesn’t work because you’re going to run into them eventually and they’re going to either tug at your heartstrings or you’re going to feel like a slug for pretending you didn’t examine them or offer to help them.

We hold out a reed for the drowning person to grab occupy of. But we don’t jump in there with them and go under ourselves.

For we’re not helping ourselves or that person if we do.

Get Depression Answers

Another Passes on While I Question Why I’m Still Here ..

Color Me Exhausted but Determined

Seasonal Depression

Fidelity, Infidelity, Love and Romance – Understanding the Science of Love, Part Two

Diagnosing Depression – the First Step on the Journey to Recovery

Two Great Books Which Help You to Understand and Treat Clinical Depression

How to Deal with a Train Wreck Friend

How Economic Depression Can Contribute to Mental Depression

Get Depression Answers

Another Passes on While I Question Why I’m Still Here ..

Why Not to Use Anxiety Medication

Color Me Exhausted but Determined

Seasonal Depression

Fidelity, Infidelity, Love and Romance – Understanding the Science of Love, Part Two

Diagnosing Depression – the First Step on the Journey to Recovery

Two Great Books Which Help You to Understand and Treat Clinical Depression

Discrimination During Job Interviews

How to Deal with a Train Wreck Friend

How Economic Depression Can Contribute to Mental Depression